Honest, Strong, Kind, and Wise

• Very bad at prioritizing tasks; easily distracted by things like making div tags to create these lists
• Very bad at long-term discipline: Follow Through
• I can let things go to my head

• Ambitious and stubborn; I can hold on and push through
• I do do good work when I put my head to it
• Can be charming; make a good first impression even if I can’t follow up with persistent quality

• Very agreeable, but not assertive enough in the right ways
• Bullshit artist
• I’ve got my head in the clouds. I’ve been working on this—and gotten better—but need to do more.
• I really do want to make a difference
• Look at “big pictures” . . . at the expense of minding even important details

A few thoughts after returning from Japan

Min wants two things: mother-like support/comfort and to connect with me spiritually. Me, I need—yeah, need—more love in my life. That is part of wanting a kid; the rest is, well, simply wanting that kind of relationship (I think).

Rica has come to occupy an odd part of my life. Always a momentus figure in my heart’s jungled terrain, she has come to embody sweet longing and loss. I reel from what I have lost in giving her up; and now to write to her (to try to ensure that she continues to want me to write to her) I focus my writing on loosing the self, loosing desire. She is gone, and it is because she has become so good at leaving (this world, these pangs) that I want her. And the best way I see to try to get a part of her back is to help her leave.

Yeah, ultimately I may be in a position to better find and establish an investigation into how to help the world. But for now, simply studying the mechanisms for self-efficacy, etc. in disadvantaged, urban kids is lofty enough.

My life is small. And focusing on a small but significant caste of characters only grows it.